Not So Tapas – at the Grill Room

I confess that I had expectations.

I went to the Grill Room expecting the new Tapas menu to delight me, and was rudely reminded of rule number one in restaurant critiquing and (as they say) in life: Have No Expectations.

When the ceramic blue boat plates of tapas finally arrived, I knew something was wrong. I judge a dish by its cover (so bite me), and what I saw didn’t bode well.  

There were miniature bullets masquerading as Fish Croquettes, slimy green roundels supposedly imitating Hariyali Kababs and misshapen red bones served as Santa Fe Chicken.

“Let’s duck out while the waiter’s off getting the beer,” my taste buds screamed, while I tried my best to drown them saliva—which was hard to summon, considering the way the food just sat there and stared right back at me.

I told myself that running off at this point would just be cowardice (since I know and enjoy Fusion 9 cuisine: the first Maya and Shankar restaurant before they opened the Grill Room) if not mildly displeasing to my current dinner companions—who went on chatting and laughing as if nothing was wrong! The cheek.

 

The last straw: Tepid Beer!

As I resigned myself to a dolorous evening, I started to day-dream. In the spirit of the true fusion of The Geek and The Foodie, I had researched tapas and talked to a few people before going to try this Spanish contrivance.

Apparently tapas first came into being after Spanish King Alfonso X fell sick after drinking on an empty stomach. Too bad he didn’t have access to Vogue’s and Cosmo’s regular “how to” articles, which advise our shockingly addicted race to chomp down on fiber and starch before, while, and after drinks. Alfonso quickly decreed that all taverns needed to serve snacks with drinks, thereby earning the title of “Alfonso the Wise.” 

When the long-awaited bottle of Fosters finally arrived, it was tepid. Excuse moi, but when the very basis of serving tapas is to have an accompaniment to one’s drinks, I didn’t think that asking for chilled beer was asking for too much!

According to the vast and all-encompassing experience of my dear brother (who traipses all over Spain and Italy, and whom I passionately hate because of this fact), tapas is served on small slices of bread or crackers in most Spanish pubs. Having a bread base for these spicy snacks makes it easier to soak all the lovely Olive Oil that is drizzled on them by the chefs!

Though olives and cheese feature most prominently in authentic tapas tradition, tapas may take almost any form, and needn’t be Spanish in flavor. In fact, in the Philippines, UK and North America, some of the local favorites like cured beef flavored in soy sauce, fried baby squid, or even pork kababs have been adopted into tapas and are served in easy-to-eat size.

 So although I appreciated the addition of typical Indian hors d’oeuvres to the tapas menu, the Hariyali Kababs that I tried just didn’t do the trick.  The southwestern marinade that gives Santa Fe chicken its name and fame was simply not at its flavorful best, and the Fish Croquettes came striped with something akin to mustard sauce.

The problem: Good menu, no-so-good execution.

As always, the net came to my rescue in the form of a cool Spanish website, which not only has interesting historical tidbits about tapas, but also some exotic recipes. Check them out at: http://www.arrakis.es/~jols/tapas/index2.html

Well, at least there’s one good news: Before I flounce off to Spain in search of true tapas, there’s another Hyderabadi restaurant (Zara) waiting for me. I better have better luck this time!

 To see your tapas experiences on this blog, email me at nirati.agarwal@gmail.com

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Lens

Commentary:

I’ve noticed, in photography and in life, a skewed perspective may sometimes offer a revealing glimpse into something too beautiful, too big to grasp.

You asked for it, honey! He said. She said. The Indian High Court Said.

For those who rightly think that a little catcalling, a harmless poke or a pornographic comment or two directed toward the prettier sex was innocent fun, watch out. For those who still believe in the law, the May 7, 2009 decision by the Andhra Pradesh High Court against “eve-teaser” Dinesh Kumar will forever be a case-in-point.

In a first-ever community service sentence in India, Kumar, a technician working for Dell, has been asked to sweep the grounds of a government hospital in Hyderabad (Gandhi Hospital) for one hour every day for one month for plucking and pulling at the dupattas of two women walking in Gautamnagar in Hyderabad.

To read more, click here: http://www.deccanchronicle.com/hyderabad/techie-gets-‘sweeping’-order-962

A unique sentence against Eve Teasing

When the Judge refused to grant bail the first time, Kumar’s side righteously pleaded that he would loose his job if he were arrested. The kindly judge then granted bail (after two sureties of Rs.10, 000 each) and this, rather inimitable, punishment.

Apart from the novelty of the sentence, lets all marvel at the fact that these women actually went to the police station, complained, filed an FIR, and got results. Ostensibly, the Indian Penal Code contains two sections (Section 298, A and B, and Section 292) that outline legal reprisals for harassment of women. Most women, however, believe they will be laughed out the station by the ever-helpful, ever-so-sensitive police. Guidelines for filing and following through with an FIR when you are a victim of what is lovingly referred to “eve teasing” can be found on The Blank Noise Project website: http://blog.blanknoise.org/2005/04/i-was-eve-teased-taking-legal-action.html

If you are still unsatisfied with the Penal code, and want to take matters into your own hands (and fists), you have two options. A traditional nani ke zamane ki tarqeeb would be to carry tiny vials that contain red pepper or cayenne pepper powder in your hip Louis Vuitton or that latest yellow clutch and fling the sting on the unsuspecting roadside romeo. 

And if you want to go hi-tech, use mace.

‘Spike,’ ‘Venom,’ ‘Cobra,’ ‘Chilliguard,’ and, rather predictably, ‘UR Safe,’ are the catchy-yet-dangerous brands of pepper spray now available at your neighborhood kirana ki dukaan in India.

After the Sri Ram Sena and Bajrang Dal samaritans rightly threw those flighty females on their bottoms for inappropriate dressing and drinking, pepper sprays have been given a new lease in the recession-rocked subcontinent.

Since those call-centre girls aren’t going to stop drinking vodka-sprite and those apers of the West aren’t going to stop their aping, the Sena and Dal people are going to have to deal with Oleoresin Capsicum sprays as well as moral decrepitude. 

To read and view a video on the Mangalore attack that has prompted rise in sales for pepper sprays, click here:

http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/story.aspx?id=NEWEN20090081494

The Economic Times reported a 300% rise in sales for sprays as of March, 2009 as a direct result of the Mangalore attack. Although a recent entrant in India’s self-defense market, sprays are legal under sections 96, 97, 102, 105 and 106 of the Indian Penal Code. 

Internet research reveals that pepper sprays have had a long and illustrious history. Pepper powder was first used in China to blind enemies, then throughout the world to repel animals including bears, tigers, and apparently, Neanderthals. Fitting.

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